Many things reside in the netherworld of the future, a place where it is not wise to dwell lest we become distracted from the only true reality that is the present. And yet the present is informed by the future, and when the future is not informed the present may stall. I am waiting. Waiting to hear if I got a job in Florida. Waiting to hear from Cornell to know if my potential advisor is interested in taking me. Waiting for my GRE scores so I know how I did before I send them to schools. Waiting to know whether Nathan Senner (a.k.a godwit man) has enough funding to take field assistants next spring. Waiting for my next paycheck to get my savings up to my $2000 goal. Waiting to hear if the BLM has money to extend our contracts.
There are those who would say we should take action, be the change we wish to see in the world, or in our own lives. But there is little I can do. Any further contact with the people I am waiting on would be annoyance. They have all told me to wait. That is not really a problem, and yet I like to imagine a pattern extending into the future, with links falling into place. The links are there, but there is no resolution. I have been trying to visit Jenna in Salt Lake City for the past month. That was unclear until three days in advance, then postponed for two weeks. Now it is tentatively scheduled for November 10. Family conflict, then a trip, now she is ill. I am not saying that I believe people are avoiding me, simply that things are not falling into place as they usually do. Perhaps I am off track in some way, or perhaps there are simply other forces at play.
I had the experience last spring that things usually fell into place as expected, but they required an unusual amount of effort. Take, for example, this job. I applied in February, then the due date was postponed until March. Finally heard in April that they would be contacting applicants soon. Then heard same message again two weeks later. Finally got an interview then waited three more weeks. Called them once a week to be told to wait. Position confirmed one week before graduation. I would like to believe that I am in the flow, but at the moment it seems otherwise. I have a feeling that soon my life will move very quickly, with some long road trips and adventures, and it is frustrating to sit here doing very little, waiting for someone to tip the first domino.
In other news, the weather is wonderful. After a rainy/snowy weekend and two blustery days, the wind stopped on this cloudless day as the temperature soared from 25 this morning to 65 this afternoon. Went running after work and felt out of shape having not done that for about a month.
Kate and I finished the birdramp report yesterday, and I am now a little over halfway done with the final lynx report. I don’t like being stuck in the office on a nice day like today, but at least I still have meaningful work. Chrissy is done with her big project and is now being asked to file papers for the people with advanced degrees who are too lazy to do it themselves. Heck, in a few more days, I will be waiting again – waiting for someone to suggest something meaningful to do…
